Sloppy Win, Titans are Classless AssClowns

I'm a little late on this article recalling the thrilling victory of the Steelers over the Titans last Thursday, but hey, I've just now sobered up. Indeed, the Steelers and the Titans squared off on the field to kick off the NFL season last Thursday. Result? Steelers win...13-10 in overtime.

It was a traditional Steelers game with the "offensive" line performing at an extremely high level, for a little-league baseball team. How does this stat line sound...Willie Parker - 19 yards on 13 carries. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING!?! That's a 1.5 yard average. Parker could trip every time he got the ball and still have a higher average than that. DISGUSTING. Here's an idea on how to save some money towards the salary cap: can the entire "offensive" line. Throw their pathetic asses right out of Pittsburgh. Just have the long snapper hike the ball to Ben each play, and he'll run around for awhile, then hit Holmes for a ten yard gain.

However, it's not all the line's fault. Someone should tell Bruce Arians that Willie Parker IS NOT Jerome Bettis. Stop trying to run him up the middle every play. There is not a decent fullback on the roster, so you can't have a power running game with a singleback look, especially when that single back is a scatback like Parker. It's a good think Arians has a good rapport with Roethlisberger, or his ass would be outta here!

Alright, enough bashing. Steelers win, and my friend's wife goes un-smacked for one more week. Let's talk about how the Titans are nothing but big, gaping vaginas. In fact, I'm going to start a weekly award...Andrea McNulty's Big Gaper of the Week Award...the recipient this week is Titans' TE Bo Scaife.



Scaife's world got rocked by James Harrison when Scaife caught a pass and attempted to get a first down. Unfortunately, James Harrison was also on the field. (You should know the inevitable outcome.) Scaife was quoted after the game crying like a bitch, "I have been playing my whole life and no one has ever hit me like that. So I know when it is real and when it is not real. So it was a cheap shot and I don't care if that gets back to him either." Scaife was probably quoted later when he wailed, "I mean, why does he have to hit so hard? All I wanted to do was get a first down, and Harrison hit me hard! Are they allowed to do that? Are they allowed to hit hard? Can't we just be friends? This interview's over, I've gotta call my life partner." -BITCH- If I was Scaife I would be worried if his comments "got back" to Harrison. Scaife, if you see any of the following forms of James Harrison near you, run like the bitch you are.



Runners up for the Gaper Award this week were:

Nate Washington - Quoted as saying, "The Steelers didn't win, we lost." Nate, that's the same thing, moron.

Chris Johnson - Quoted as saying, ""We couldn't finish. We gave them the game...I know the better team didn't win." Strong showing for biggest bitch on the team.

LenDale White - This guy is just a douche bag.






StillersBlog's brand new mascot, StillerJack, was quoted after the game saying, "The Titans suck my nuts. I've got more class in this diaper than they have on their roster. If I ever see LenDale White in person, I'll teabag that punk-ass bitch." Strong words kid.












More postgame fallout later this week including a review of Polamalu's injury. Steelers rock...1-0. Cleveland sucks.

Football Season is Finally Here!!

Finally, no more preseason games. No more listening to ESPN pundits break down the first four preseason games and use those performances as excuses to bash Pittsburgh. No more training camp news, or training camp heroes for that matter. The roster is set, and the games start Thursday. In celebration of the new season, I have decided to list ten things every Steelers fan should know entering the 2009-2010 regular season.

10. The Browns will continue to toss the salad of the NFL. No fanbase in the history of the NFL is as delusional as the Cleveland Browns'. I used to talk to some of these morons, and somehow the conversation was always drawn to the Browns dominance in the pre-Superbowl era. Alright, they dominated the league when there was one good quarterback and runningback, and they had them both. Now what? Cleveland will soon be the only franchise to enjoy the prestige of never being associated with the Superbowl. That would be either playing in it, or hosting it. If they win 6 games this year I'll change my opinion of Brady Quinn, and start believing he is straight.



9. The defense will not lose a step this year. Despite the humongous turnover on the defense...oh wait, one part-time starter, they will manage to somehow remain dominant. Hell, not counting Cincinnatti, Pittsburgh could start the scout team offense as their defense and still dominate the division.

8. The "offensive" line will be better this season. I say this partly out of hope and partly because I believe another year of continuity is just was the doctor ordered. Over the years I've come to completely trust in Kevin Colbert, and all the crazy shit he does...like not resigning Joey Porter but instead promoting James Harrison, saying goodbye to Chris Hope and hello to Ryan Clark, and bringing in Mewelde Moore (although I'm sure Tomlin had a big hand in that). I just wish Russ Grimm was still here. He would have whipped those "inglorious basterds" into shape by now. On the plus side, they couldn't get much worse this season.

7. Everyone will see what kind of toolbags work at ESPN this year. The Steelers are defending Superbowl champions with a great shot at repeating and what is the headline at ESPN? Whether or not Tom Brady will thrown 10 bazillion touchdowns this year. This is the NFL version of the Brady Bunch:



6. Cleveland still sucks.

5. Rashard Mendenhall will be a beast this year. If it wasn't for Ray Lewis twisting him around for a "Raven Ass-Raping" last year, Mendenhall would have had a breakout year. Well, RayRay's boy lust has only pushed back the timetable one year. Look for Mendenhall to supplant Parker as the starting back this season.

4. Sweed will also breakout this year. If the line is as poor as last year, the offense will be forced into a lot of third and longs. With two Superbowl MVP's as their starting wideouts, that leaves a gap for a third receiver to do some damage. Ask Nate Washington what it is like to ride the coattails of two great receivers and parlay that into a big payday. Don't even get me started with the shit he's saying now, just look it up later. Sweed would probably have supplanted him this year anyway. Limas will be everything to Pittsburgh that Burress was to the Giants, but without the overwhelming stupidity.

3. Timmons will destroy all that get's in his path. I mean, just took at what the hell he is doing the picture below. Do you know what those steel containers are filled with? All the hopes and dreams of envious linebackers in the NFL who don't play for the Steelers. They know they're pussies, and Timmons could kill them with his thoughts. Personally, I didn't like him as a first round pick last year, but as usual, Kevin Colbert told me to shut the hell up. You know what, Kevin was right again.



2. Ben Roethlisberger will make the Pro bowl. This isn't the usual drive for someone in Pittsburgh, because team success always comes first. However, Ben is going to have an immaculate season behind center this year. I'm calling for 30+ touchdowns.

1. Finally, the Steelers will repeat. With the fourth easiest schedule in the NFL, Pittsburgh will cruise to a division championship, and possibly end up hosting the Conference Championship again. What a year. Soon Steeler Nation will have to come up with some other catchy saying like one for the big toe or something, because the will be out of fingers. (And Cleveland will never win a championship.)

The Diesel Resigns, Quarterbacks are Screwed.

Brett Keisel says, "Show me the money Bitches!"


Brett "The Diesel" Keisel has resigned with the Steelers for the next five years, or the remainder of his career, which ever comes first. I am ecstatic after hearing this news because I felt that The Diesel should have been an off season priority considering the lack of depth along the defensive line. Even with the addition of Hood, there is still not enough depth along the line, and losing Keisel at the end of the season would have been a travesty. Financial details of the deal were not available at the time of this posting, but I will post them when they become available.

In other news, last years starting right guard Darnell Stapleton has been placed on the Injured Reserve list, ending his season. Apparently He had arthroscopic surgery on his knee to remove loose cartilage during the preseason, which was supposed to sideline him for about three or four weeks. However, the knee hasn't responded the way the training staff would have hoped. Not sure of the affect this will have on the offensive line. Stapleton was playing center during training camp when Hartwig showed up with a busted big toe from constant pirouetting. He has since returned to practice and is continuing to hold in the endzone. It looks like Trai Essex will step in to replace Stapleton for the season, barring any injury.

Steelers on YouTube

I was messing around on YouTube one day at work, and found the following video:



So I instantly contacted the maker, YouTube moniker Brin7, and asked if he would start making new videos that I could post on this blog. What I would like to do is have a new video for every game that I can throw in along with an obviously superior recap. Well, Brin7 got back to me the other day with a link to a new video. True to form, here it is:



This is great stuff. If you would like to see more videos from Brin7 on this site, contact the user here: Brin7

Isaac Redman Next No Name Back

Well, StillersBlog has just relocated to Boston, Massachusetts. The first thing that struck me when I arrived was how much these people need an NFL education. First off, Tom Brady still sucks. Secondly, six Lombardies are greater than three, that's just simple math. Finally, the Bruins suck too.

Anyway, let's hit some stuff that I've missed the past couple of days.



First of all, Max Starks can eat it. My nickname for Starks, Max "I haven't produced for what I'm paid" Starks. Isaac Redman is an undrafted rookie free agent trying to make the Steelers 53 man roster. Redman played at Bowie State in college, where ever the hell that is. But, he does have a 10 minute highlight clip:



StillersBlog = Shocked I just found Bowie State:




Not exactly in the middle of nowhere as I had expected. Anyway, Redman had a fairly successful career while at Bowie State.

REDMAN,Isaac
RUSHING G Att Yds TD Lg Avg/C Avg/G
2004................ 9 67 425 4 60 6.3 47.2
2005................ 12 281 1512 12 99 5.4 126.0
2007................ 7 157 825 13 55 5.3 117.9
2008................ 6 108 538 6 56 5.0 89.7
TOTAL............... 34 613 3300 35 99 5.4 97.1

Redman's career numbers at B-State are not too bad. He averaged almost 100 yards rushing and a touchdown in every single game he played. And if you took the 10 minutes to watch his highlight video, he definitely has game breaking potential.

Even though Tomlin is currently trying to cool down the talk about Redman (Tomlin could tell an iceberg to chill, and it would.) I am personally getting excited about Isaac. Pittsburgh has been waiting for the next Bus for a couple of years now, and while I'm not saying that it's Redman, Mendenhall, or Summers, I would like to see one of these guys breakout this year.

Burress in Giant Mess

911: "This is 911, what's your emergency?"
PB: "Does being a moron count as an emergency?"
911: "Not exactly sir."
PB: "Well then...uh...I've been shot."
911: "Did you get a good look at the assailant sir? Do you know who it was?"
PB: "Yeah, I've got a pretty good idea. Do you really need to know who it was?"



This offseason has seen plenty of off field issues being debated and resolved, and here is another one. Plaxico Burress needs no introduction to Steelers fans, but here is a little background anyway. Burress was the Steelers #1 draft pick in 2000, the eighth overall, from Michigan State. Burress went on to play five years with the Steelers, amassing 261 receptions for 4,164 yards, 22 touchdowns, and only six fumbles over the span of 71 games.

In 2005 Burress decided to sellout, and signed a six year, 25 million dollar contract with the New York Giants. Plaxico has experienced much success since signing with the Giants. He quickly became Eli Manning's number one receiver, and has since won a Superbowl. (Steelers have since won two, but who's counting?)

Now to the controversy. Burress accidentally shot himself in the right thigh while at a Manhattan nightclub in late November 2008. He was carrying a gun in the waistband of his sweatpants, and believe it or not, the gun began to slide down his leg. When he went to grab it, he accidentally shot himself in the thigh. To add to the idiocy of the whole situation, Burress never bothered to register his firearm, nor obtain the necessary permits to carry a concealed weapon in the state of New York. A New York grand jury has now indicted him on weapons charges which carries a minimum sentence of 3 1/2 years if found guilty.

I have some suggestions for things that Plaxico can try to lighten the jail time he surely will be facing soon. He can call up his buddy Donte Stallworth and ask him exactly how he circumnavigated the law. After all, Donte only spent 20 some days in jail for vehicular manslaughter. Maybe he can try to market his public service announcement to dissuade youngsters from carrying firearms.



Or maybe Plaxico can plea for temporary insanity, because you would have to be insane to think that carrying a firearm in the waistband of your sweatpants into a place where people are dancing around and alcohol is flowing freely is a good idea. Seriously, how about at least tightening up the drawstring Plaxico? I would say to put the gun in your pocket, but that's just a damned stupid idea.

At any rate, I don't believe Burress will be seeing the football for a long time to come. More details on the case as they develop.

Miller Signs 6-Year Extension

Heath Miller as he owns Sean Jones

Heath Miller has recently signed a six year extension with the Steelers. In signing the contract, the Steelers have made Miller the third highest paid tight end in the league. Miller signed for 6 years and $35.3 million dollars. He receives a signing bonus of $12 million, and is set to make $900,000 in base salary this year with an additional roster bonus of $750,000.

Miller will never have the flashy numbers of an Antonio Gate, or a Kellen Winslow Jr., but he is considered to be the best two way tight end in the league (catching and blocking). The six year deal keeps Miller, who is 26, in town during the prime of his career.

This signing will probably end the offseason roster activities for the Steelers. There are five players left that will be heading for unrestricted free-agency after the conclusion of the 2009-2010 season: Casey Hampton, Brett Keisel, Ryan Clark, Deshea Townsend, Tryone Carter, and Jeff Reed. After seeing this group, I don't think the Steelers can afford to let Hampton sign with another team. The key to the 3-4 defense is having a nose tackle who can take on blocks and open up the middle for the linebackers, and nobody in the league is better at that than "Big Snack". Also, the Steelers do not have anyone in their system who can do the job that Hampton does. Sorry Chris Hoke, but you are no Big Snack.







Casey "Big Snack" Hampton









Keisel would be nice, but he would have to take a hometown discount. The same goes for Townsend and Carter. Reed can easily be franchised tagged next year and still make close to what he is making now. Ryan Clark should also be a priority. He is a perfect compliment to Polamalu, and literally destroys people on the field. Just ask Willis McGahee during the AFC Championship game.

Ouch. Ravens Suck.

Thoughts on Ziggy Hood

Personally, I was very happy with the Steelers spending their first round pick on Evander "Ziggy" Hood, DT from Missouri. I can't say I agree with his Madden rankings, as all the Steelers on my game are maxed out at 99, naturally.

The situation the Steelers found themselves on draft day was that there were not any immediate needs that they had to draft for. That put them in the position to draft the best available player to add some young depth to their roster, which was badly needed along the defensive line. Watch the following video of some extremely uncomfortable looking white guy as he briefly discusses Hood.



Some thoughts on the video:

1. Did you notice Kraig Urbik from Wisconsin? He was the Steelers third round draft pick. Looked pretty good matching up with Hood, a match up that's bound to repeat itself.

2. I love how they showed Hood owning Alex Mack who is the Browns first round draft pick. Sucks to be him. I would rather go undrafted and play in the WNBA than be the Browns any-round pick.
Click on image to view Mack's projected Madden Stats

3. Hood's accent is perfect. It reminds me of the southern lisp Adam Sandler used when filming "The Waterboy". How perfect would it have been if instead of saying, "...you have to release all fury." he said "...you have to open a can of Captain Insano Whoop Ass."!

Seriously though, I was very happy with the drafting of Hood. He will be an outstanding DE after spending a year or two learning from Keisel, Smith, and LeBeau. He seems to have Aaron Smith size, but with a faster jump at the snap of the ball. Zig looks to be an excellent addition to a veteran defense.

Steelers sign Evander "Ziggy" Hood

The Pittsburgh Steelers reached an agreement in principle Saturday on a five-year deal with first-round choice Evander "Ziggy" Hood, the 32nd pick in the NFL draft. Financial terms of the deal may not become available until they actually sign the contract on Wednesday.

Thoughts on Ziggy Hood to follow.

Roethlisberger Vehemently Denies McNulty Claims

The above total denial by Ben Roethlisberger of Andrea McNulty's claims that he sexually assaulted her at a charity golf event at the Harrah resort in Lake Tahoe, NV, seem to be the only genuine statement to be made so far from either party.

Let's take a closer look at this moronic McNulty woman. My first question is, "After an entire year, you couldn't come up with a better freaking story than this?" She claims he grabbed, fondled and kissed her in his 17th-floor room after asking her to fix a broken sound system on his television. Does this look like the face of a competent, certified electrician?Looks more like an unbalanced, money grubbing moron to me. She also claimed that after Ben was done sexually assaulting her she ran into the bathroom to "collect herself". Is that what a rape victim does? Stay at the scene of the crime? Does she then wait a full year to say anything at all to the public, and when she does she files a civil case and not a criminal case? In her suit, she said she did not go to the police because she "was afraid of the consequences of reporting it." Yeah...I'm afraid of justice too. The consequences she was referring to was losing her job. Hey McNulty, if you are suing multiple people for more than $390,000, you can probably afford to job hunt for a little while.

So, instead of reporting the crime to the authorities, she tells her bosses at the casino and demands that they take action. Apparently one says to her, "...you should be thankful. There are plenty of girls who would love to be in your shoes...". Are you kidding McNulty? Is the Harrah like a 1960's CBS all boys club? Is going to work exactly like watching the A&E hit show Mad Men? You've gotta be the dumbest. However, I suppose that if you don't implicate them in any fashion you can, then you can't sue them for money too. (Again, not for criminal conspiracy to cover up a crime, but for money.)

Basically, if the bullshit flying from her whore hole is true, and I am obviously of the mind that it is not, then McNulty is saying to the whole world, "Yeah he raped me, but I don't want justice, just money." Wait a tick. Isn't there some profession in Nevada where the person trades sexual acts for a monetary compensation? What is that called? Maybe I'm just crazy, but obviously not the MOST crazy person around.