Dick LeBeau could kill Chuck Norris

I'm not sure what to write about Dick LeBeau that has not already been written about the man this week.  He's finally going into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this weekend, and rightfully so.  The man was an amazing player, is an amazing coach, but few people are aware of his other exploits.

For example, did you know that Dick LeBeau "starred" as Michael Caine's double in a movie called "Too Late the Hero" shot in 1970?  Seriously.  I even found the original promotional poster to the movie:

Pretty impressive.  I heard he won an Oscar for his portrayal of Michael Caine's double.  Additionally, I would completely describe LeBeau as a rip-snorting he-man on a top-notch adventure.  You know, you just don't hear rip-snorting enough now-a-days.     

Every Christmas season Dick will recite "The Night Before Christmas" to all of the players.  That's something else.  I have a hard time believing the players sit there enthralled by LeBeau's recitation, but apparently I am wrong.

Not just anyone can keep a group of A.D.D. plagued professional athletes at attention the way LeBeau can clearly do it.  

Dick's exploits do not end there either.  Here are some other things that people may not know about Dick LeBeau:

1.  Dick LeBeau once consumed an entire bottle of sleeping pills.  They made him blink...once.

2.  Dick LeBeau eats steak at every meal, but he sometimes forgets to kill the cow.

3.  He once got into an argument with Chuck Norris.  LeBeau cut his throat with Bill Cowher's jaw bone.

4.  Dick LeBeau was what Willis was actually talking about.

5.  Dick won the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a Joker, a "Get out of Jail Free Card", a two of clubs, seven of spades, and a Wild Draw Four Uno card.

6.  Lightning never strikes in the same place twice because Dick LeBeau is looking for it.

7.  The opening scenes from the movie Saving Private Ryan are loosely based off of the Zone Blitz scheme.

8.  Dick LeBeau can successfully drown a fish.

9.  Paul Hogan is Dick LeBeau's long lost little brother.  LeBeau taught him everything he knows.

10.  I hate cats.  I had to name one LeBeau just so I could stand to look at it.

11.  Brett Kiesel is really Dick LeBeau in disguise.

12.  Dick's computer does not have a Recycle Bin.  He deleted it.

13.  LeBeau won Jumanji without ever saying the name.  He simply beat the living shit out of everything the game threw at him until it quit.

14.  The United States of ah-MER-i-kah could save billions by eliminating the Army and installing the Zone Blitz.

15.  Dick LeBeau eats soup with a fork, and drinks milkshakes with straws made from Ohians he personally killed.

16.  If Superman and the Flash were to get into a foot race the winner would be Dick LeBeau.

17.  The Zone Blitz is the reason Eli Manning is such a pussy.

18.  Police label any non-Steelers QB as a 45-11...a suicide.

19.  Dick LeBeau successfully installed Windows 7 on his etch-a-sketch.

20.  Dick LeBeau broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing it's chain, back tire, and one foot pedal.

Side bar:  Do a Google Image search on "Dick LeBeau".  Scroll down to the prominent 24th page.  What do you see?  To lazy to look?  Fine.  Here:

 

Google clearly wants me and LeBeau to become best of friends.  Why else would my logo be there?  So in an effort to gain LeBeau's friendship, I'm going to add to his Wikipedia page.  I'm going to add some of these facts to his "Personal Life" section and add my blog as the reference.  Let's see how long it says.

Here is an image of my LeBeau additions to Wikipedia.  The time is 12:35 on Friday afternoon, August 6th.  

Cleveland Sucks...The only good thing in Ohio is Dick LeBeau on Saturday afternoon.