What Else Needs to be Insured?

It's no secret that Polamalu has had a one million dollar policy taken out on his hair by Head and Shoulders.  However, when reading more into it I was surprised to find out that this is a common practice.  Athletes will regularly take an insurance policy out on, say, an arm or a leg.  This is especially prevalent in college football where the appendages could be worth money one day, but currently, are not.  With that thought in mind I would like to propose a couple of Steelers who should also think about taking out some insurance policies.

Jeff Reed is probably the Steeler who could most benefit from an insurance policy.  The problem is, I don't even know what Quadzilla needs to take a policy out on.  His leg?  No, that's not how Zilla makes headlines.  If I was Reed I would take out two insurance policies.  The first protects his fists.  After all, there are a lot of menacing paper towel dispensers in the world.  Hell, nearly one in every public restroom.  The second policy that Reed should take out should be to protect himself against all enemies foreign and domestic.    When you party like Quadzilla does, which is to say, as if you were on "The Jersey Shore", you make a lot of enemies.  Whether those enemies are paper towel dispensers, Cleveland Police, Snooki from Jersey Shore, the Rooney Family, or the kick return team, it just doesn't matter.  This guy needs protection.

 

James Harrison needs insurance...on everybody else.  This guy just doesn't give a fuck.  Mark my words...one day he's going to kill somebody.  Now that death may take place on the football field (if it does I hope it's Tom Brady), or it may take place outside of football.  It doesn't matter.  In fact, if I had to spend more than ten minutes with him I would take out a short term life insurance policy.

Frank "The Tank" Summers needs to take out insurance on his job because I'm convinced that he may not have one pretty soon.  On the bright side he is obviously an impeccable dresser...so maybe a career on Wall Street is in order.

 

Baby Face should take out an insurance policy on his baby face.  If given the chance I would punch his face right off of his head, and I'm sure I'm not alone on this one.  What probably bothers me the most about Baby Face is that he seems to be oblivious of the fact that he is, in fact, hampered by a baby face.  Fuck you Baby Face, and fuck your baby face right in the face.







 

Finally, Ben Roethlisberger needs to take out an insurance policy on his dick.  Simply stated, if he doesn't stop sticking it where it doesn't belong, he's going to lose it.







If any of you have ideas on further required insurance policies for Steelers players, feel free to leave a comment.

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