After only days of admitting my complete homerism for Maurkice Pouncey he makes me eat it in a big way, and not in the complete homerism way. Pouncey is the center (HA! A pun exists.) of an investigation by the University of Florida and the NCAA after an allegation that he received $100,000 from a sport agent's representative before the Gator's Sugar Bowl victory over Cincinnati last season. "We were made aware of some information in early June that we reported to law enforcement, and we then shared with the NCAA and the SEC," said Jeremy Foley, the AD at Florida. "At this time, we have no information that has indicted that there are any compliance issues for the University of Florida."
I'm going to take the standpoint that Pouncey is innocent because athletes at odds with the law, and pending investigation, have never let me down. Ben. HOWEVER, let's assume for a second that these claims are true. I have only one question then. You get paid $100,000 AND become a first round draft pick in the NFL and this is the best you can do?
Seriously? I can now understand why you made out with your brother on TV. Does anyone else think she looks a little like Rodney Dangerfield? You know, post Caddyshack when he REALLY started drinking and got all bloated and disgusting? Maybe this will jog your memory:
Eh, she don't get no respect...from me at least.
Here's where I defend. Let's take a look at the credibility of the source. Presently we have been pelted with accusations against Ruthlessvaginarompingberger (nickname in progress), but they were all first hand accounts...or at the very least the completely drunk friends. This tip was supplied to the University of Florida via an anonymous letter...or as it is also known, the benchmark for credibility. And where did this mysterious postage hail from? Yeah, CANADA.
If there is one country on the face of this Earth known for their despicable lies and lifestyles it's Canada. Let me show you the depths of depravity that our neighbors to the north tolerate:
1. Canadian Bacon is ham...clearly a lie.
2. Ozzy Osburne said, "Canada is dull, boring, and I cannot wait to get through it when touring."
3. Shania Twain, Celine Dion, and Avril Lavigne are all Canadian.
4. French...Canadians. Enough said.
5. Great healthcare they have up there...the mortality rate is 100% eventually.
6. Mounties? Really? You can't afford a car?
7. Nice flag. We use leaves to wipe down here in America. (Pronounced ah-MER-ka) THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!!!! but yours float away with a soft breeze.
8. Canadians have no culture. They are U.S. Part II while simultaneously ridiculing ah-MER-ka in the process.
9. I'd rather drink I.C. Light than LaBatt Blue. Well, if only to make a point.
10. This was a real headline from the CBC, "Canada - The fight for the right to die". I hope they won.
11.
Alright, to get back on track and finish a thought here: I have a feeling that this whole story is garbage. This anonymous Canadian stated that they had photographic evidence of a runner going between Pouncey's brother and an agent. Well, I don't believe that evidence was included in the letter. Good work. Also, for that agent to get convicted on any charges it would require the Canadian to testify in court as to the validity of the photographs. All I'll need to do is show the judge the list above and that will debase all Canadian credibility (an oxymoron).
This will undoubtedly drag out for a bit because there is not a ton of things going on in the sports world right now. Maukice, don't worry, ah-MER-ka has your back. (He celebrates by kissing his brother...again.)
Cleveland Sucks.
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