Sunday, December 27, 2009

Here we go playoffs, here we go!

Alright. I don't want to jinx this or anything, but the Steelers have a 100% chance of making the playoffs this season. They are sitting at 7-7 with two games left in the season. Obviously they need to win out, so they beat Baltimore today. Denver plays the Eagles, which I believe they will lose. That gives the two wildcard spots to both Baltimore and Pittsburgh because the Steelers have the tiebreaker over the Broncos.

Houston (7-7) plays Miami (7-7) today, so one of those teams will be out of the race by the end of the day. If Miami wins they go to 8-7, and play the Steelers next week. So even if the Dolphins win, they still don't make the playoffs with a loss to the Steelers next week. If the Texans win they still don't have as good of a conference record as the Steelers, and they play the Patriots next week. Sorry Houston, you're out.

The Jets (7-7) play the Colts and the Bengals back to back these next two weeks. Their offense is attrocious, and there is no way they win both games. They are out.

The team with the best shot at ruining the Steelers' playoff hopes is again the Jacksonville Jaguars. They play the Patriots this week, and the CribbsBottomfeeders next week. With a better conference record they are already ahead of the Steelers, and if they win today could be a lock regardless of a Steelers win or loss.

This is obviously the only week where I'll ever root for the Patriots.

Back at it

It has been a hell of a long time people. I told myself that when I started this thing that I would not put anything on here if I had absolutely nothing decent to say. Believe it or not, but back to back losses to the Raiders and the Browns will do that to you. On a side note, I have officially changed the name of the Browns to the Cleveland Cribbs. (Let's be honest...he's all they have.) I've even worked out a new logo for them...

Here's a good question...if he is so fast, then why can't he run his way out of Cleveland? That's what he's been trying to do this whole time...he just happened to also be holding a ball.

There isn't much to say for the past weeks, last week excluded. The loss to the Raiders was ridiculous, agravating, and demoralizing. The loss to the Browns was something out of a fiction book. I wouldn't even drink after the game, I just went into some kind of catatonic state. I remained there until Santonio, I mean Iron Mike Wallace, made that incredible touchdown catch at the end of the Green Bay game.

Because my doctor said to stop agonizing over the past six weeks, I'll be quick with the Gaper awards. It's pretty simple, the entire team will receive them for their amazing performances agianst both the Raiders and the CribbsBottomfeeders. Congratulations deserve it.

Congratulations to all of you guys for sucking major ass the past five weeks.

Alright, the five game streak of losses ended last week for anyone of you that did not already know. Thank you Iron Mike Wallace for not sucking as bad as Limas Sweed. Every second of that game I watched with curbed enthusiasm. Let's face it...the Steelers have lost seven games playing the way they did last week with the obvious exception of Wallace and Roethlisberger. 504 yards passing? Ridiculous. Green Bay's number one ranked defense? Clearly over-rated. There is only one possible person to give the McNulty would have to be my main man Limas Sweed. What a humongous vagina he is. Sweed has now been put on the non-injury reserve list ending his spectacular sophomore season. What a blow this is to the vaunted Steelers passing game. I'm officially saying that with Sweed go any chance the Steelers have on winning the Superbowl. Sorry guys, but it was a nice run.

Notice my friend Limas here in a Texas jersey. He's in a Longhorn jersey in the picture because I'm pretty sure he's never been on the field in the NFL and not screwed up somehow.
End rant.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

StillerJack PISSED

Alright...three loses in a row. I've never seen this before in my young life. (Well, with the Steelers. I see it all the time in Cleveland.)

Here are my picks for today:

Philadelphia NJ vs Atlanta
The Falcons without Matt Ryan? I'll take the pride of New Jersey, Philadelphia.

Tampa Bay vs Carolina
Hmmm...I'll take Carolina. Can't wait until Cowher is there next season.

St. Louis vs Cincinnati
No contest. Bengals.

Indianapolis vs Tennessee
Tons of people are talking upset here. Tons of people are stupid. Colts.

Denver vs Kansas City
We need Denver to lose to get an early wildcard spot, but they win today.

New England vs Miami
Of course I would LOVE the upset, but Miami will stumble. Patriots.

New Orleans vs Washington
Non-competitive matchup here. Saints roll.

Houston vs Jacksonville
Jacksonville loses the game and their early wildcard spot. Thanks Houston!

San Diego vs Cleveland
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Chargers.

Dallas vs New York Giants
Giants are slumping BIG TIME. They are fresh off of a bye week, but Dallas gets the job done.

Seattle vs San Fransisco
Wow, outside of the Pacific coast, who the hell cares? No I, said the toddler. 49ers.

Minnesota vs Arizona
This should be a pretty good game. If Warner plays...maybe. However, I'll stick with the Vikings to win.

Green Bay vs Baltimore
We need Green Bay to win this game to distance the lead over the Ravens. Green Bay.

Pittsburgh vs Oakland
If Pittsburgh doesn't win I'm slapping my mom...hard. I'll slap the shump right off of her face. Steelers.

Recap from last week

Sorry everyone...I was away for Thanksgiving and missed my weekly post here. I wish I would have missed those games. Anyway...still have to talk about it.

Actually, I will not talk about the Chiefs game. It just goes to show how the Steelers like to play down to any level. Bullshit. The entire Steelers team receives the Gaper award for being pussy pieces of shit. (What was that about losing creating animosity? Oh well.)

Thanks for the letdown boys.

Now on to the Ravens game...

Dennis Dixon played so much better than I thought he would. Sure, he threw an interception in overtime...but the defense lost that game. It shouldn't have gone to overtime. Did anyone else notice a SLOW Ray Lewis? What is he, like 98 years old? Some people don't know when to retire, or die. Either one would be a solid decision for Ray Ray.

I'm not sure what the difference is between last years defense and this years. Does Troy Polamalu really mean that much to the team? I guess so. The Steelers have not lost big all season, and you have to think that if Polamalu was in there he MAY have tipped the balance. That speaks well for their playoff chances, which I say they will be there. Steelers WILL get a wildcard.

The Gaper award for the Ravens game goes to Hines Ward. He needs to learn to keep his fucking mouth shut. Now the Steelers are in the news, but it's only because of the bullshit he was spouting about Ben not playing last week. Seriously, you don't know better by now Hines? Are you not a team captain?
Way to be a dick.

NOW, I desperately want to get positive here again. Let's look at the greatest quote I've ever heard in my entire life.

Mike Tomlin: "We will not go gently; we will unleash hell here in December, because we have to. We won't go in a shell; we will go in attack mode because that is what is required,"

Holy shit. Hearing that come from the Clark Kent of NFL I want to punch someone in the face. Luckily I live in Boston and there are a plethora of queens who need a good bitchslap. If I were the Raiders I'd be shitting my pants right now. Good news for Raiders owner Al Davis...he just got a diaper change.

I also found this because apparently the Raiders used to not suck dick. Well, they were a good football team, but they still sucked a chode off.

What's with that tool-shed at the end of the video? Yeah, he likes to show Steelers fans his one ring, and we like to bitchslap his chode devouring face with six. (You actually have to bitchslap him twice because there are too many rings for one hand.)

Ah, now I feel better. Watch Bruce Gradkowski get embarrassed today. Oh, and my older brother texts me last night to inform me that he has tickets to today's game. So, expect some amazing pics up here later this week.

There are things worse than a three game losing streak.
Like being an Ohio football fan.