Friday, October 22, 2010

Deebo on the Prowl

Nice work Roger Goodell, now James Harrison is really going to kill someone this week.  The only thing you've managed to accomplish is to completely piss off an already mentally unbalanced individual.  I sure wouldn't want to play offense for the Dolphins because someone is getting shanked.

I can only imagine what was going through Deebo's mind when he learned the news of getting fined a ridiculous amount of money for absolutely no reason whatsoever:

Woo, boy.  I destroyed that taint, Josh Cribbs, and leveled Massaquoi.  How do you like them apples Lewis?  They were perfectly legal hits too.  By the way, you were washed up five years ago.

What the Hell did that douchebag Goodell just say?

Uh, Goodell here.  I'm going to continue to enforce my completely inconsistent agenda here and rape you the same way I did your quarterback.  Mr. Harrison, I'm going to fine you more than anyone else even though some of their hits were obviously intentional, even to me, a condescending, hypocritical assbag .  Unfortunately, you happened to say something to the press, so I have the make an example of you regardless of whether or not it's warranted.  Enjoy the rape.

What the shit, Goodell!!  I'm tired of this bullshit.  I can't help the entire roster of the Browns is full of talentless panties that can't play football much less protect themselves out there.  I'm a man, dammit, and I'm not going to play two hand touch every time we play Cleveland.  Fuck this, I'm going to retire.

Wwwhhhaaattt????  James, for the love of God, take some time off and think about it.  I love you.

Fine.  I'll come back.  However, now I'm mega pissed and there better be a couple of ambulances at the game on Sunday, because I'm laying bitches out...starting with Goodell.

Oh shit.  Is it too late to say I'm sorry James?  I love you too!

Oh man.  That guy is about to get raped. 

That's how I imagine the whole thought process went for Deebo, Goodell, Tomlin, and Roethlisberger.  The odds are that I'm not that far off.  I'm also going to give the Gaper Award to Goodell this week for being an inconsistent, and hypocritical piece of garbage.  Congratulations, dick meat, you deserve this one.

 I hate you, Roger, and I know I'm not alone.

Cleveland Sucks.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Remember that time the Steelers embarrassed the Browns?

My only serious criticism of the Steelers was that it wasn't more of a blow out.  To me Cleveland is just not a divisional opponent, but the scum of the Earth.  I'm sure I'm not alone on that one.  With that in mind, there are three games that I really look forward to watching each year.

1.  Browns at Steelers
2.  Steelers at Browns
3.  Steelers in the Super bowl.

Incidentally, Cleveland's version of the Super bowl is beating the Steelers.  You people are pathetic.

Anyway, the game went exactly as I had expected with the exception of the final score.  I guess I do have a criticism for Lawrence Timmons.  Come on guy, you can't leave a man open in the endzone.  I'm not saying the Browns would not have scored otherwise, but that was a gift wrapped touchdown to a group of bottom feeders who where just happy to have made it to the endzone.

There were two major story lines in Sunday's game.  First, it's good to have Ben back and not raping girls.  I was concerned with the game that Arians was going to call with Ben back under center, but it turns out he called more running plays than passing.  Roethlisberger and Mendenhall were dead even in attempts; Ben passed 27 times and Mendenhall had 27 rushes, but Redman had 6 and Moore had 1.  I'm sure some of this was due to it being Ben's first game back so I expect that those numbers are going to skew to Ben's favor in the next couple of weeks.  Even so, Ben looked solid throwing for three touchdowns.  However, you could definitely tell he was rusty based on some poor throws that he made.  His only interception of the day was a good example where he simply threw behind Wallace and Hayden came away with the easy pick.  On the plus side though Ben was not sacked at all on Sunday.  The line has definitely improved over the past years and Pouncey in key.

The second story line in the game is that the linebackers killed everything in sight.  Specifically, Harrison decimated half of the Browns' starting wide receiver line up.  Before I get into that I would like to point out the emergence of another elite linebacker, Lawrence Timmons.  Even though I just gave him a scalding remark that I'm sure he will think about for the next couple of days, he really has finally come on this year.  I thought last year was going to be his breakout season, but apparently he just wanted to stick it to me.  Consider these stats:

1.  Timmons leads the Steelers in tackles with 59.  
    (Nineteen more than second place James Harrison.)
2.  Timmons is tied for second in sacks at three.  
    (1.5 behind James Harrison.)
3.  Timmons is tied for second in interceptions at one.  
    (One behind Troy Polamalu.)

I'll go out on a limb here and say that Timmons makes the Pro Bowl this year.  Quite an accomplishment considering he is competing with Woodley, Harrison, and Farrior.

Now to Harrison.  If there is one person I would not want to meet in a dark alley while I hold a football, it's easily James Harrison.  I would love to have seen James Harrison square off with Joe Greene.  Who wins that  matchup?  It's like Chuck Norris fighting Jesus.  (Impossible...Jesus is Chuck Norris.)  Seriously, Harrison is easily the most intimidating player in the NFL, and he proved why when he bitch slapped Cribbs right off of the field, and literally killed Massaquoi two plays later.  I didn't find either hit illegal, and apparently the refs didn't either.  However, I went to the Cleveland Plain Dealer's website to see what Bottom Feeding fans had to say and found this nugget of ineptitude:

Harrision should not only have recieved a 15 yard penalty, he should have also been ejected out of the game. He was clearly sent out to physically injure players that could impact the game in the Browns favor. After all Cribbs was the one that beat them last winter. Looks like not only did they get their payback against Cribbs and the Browns but the digusting excuses of officials were clearly all on board with it.
Not only should Harrison now be fined and suspended - the officals tending that game should also face disciplinary action for those two no call fouls and several other holding and pass interference no calls they also turned a blind eye to during the game.

First of all, I would like to point out that if you are posting this bullshit trash, Joe1970KnowsFootball, then in fact, you do not KnowsFootball.  Sent out to injure players that could impact the game in the Browns(') favor?  Would that not be every player on their roster?  Did Harrison go out there with a knife and stab every single Browns' player?  Then injuring people probably wasn't his goal.  I enjoy you ending your pathetic rant with the typical sackless diatribe about missed calls.  I agree with you Joe1970KnowsFootball, there is a vast conspiracy with the singular intention of keeping the Cleveland Browns down.  Wait, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.  Sack up and admit that you're making excuses for the typical Browns' play and admit that maybe you don't KnowsFootball.  Assclown.

This guy just pissed me off.  I'll give out the Gaper Award later this week.

Joe1970KnowsChodeDevouring is a more apt name.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

This Guy Knows...

I've been stuck in bye week Hell, and now we're back.  What perfect way to get started up again than to listen to this guy's prediction for the Steelers game this weekend.

I don't think any commentary by me is needed.  This guy, who reminds me of my Uncle Tim, said it all.

Cleveland...welcome to your nightmare.

Monday, October 4, 2010

It Just had to be T.J. Houshmazode

Of all the low down wide receivers, on all of the low down second rate teams.  It just had to be T.J. Houshvadilla.  Damn.  Yesterday was a tough, tough loss, and probably even for the Steelers too.  I've been reading articles all morning that blame the loss on any number of different causes; Bruce Arians' inability to call a quality game, Bruce Arians' pathetic play calling, and even Bruce Arians' ineptitude at mixing up his play calls.  I didn't see it.  I mean, Arians had his typical run-run-pass or pass-pass-run scheme going, but when he started to switch it up in the fourth quarter all of the baiting that he did in the first three began to pay off.  You have to admit that with a Ladies Man Roethlisberger under center in lieu of Chuck Batch, the game probably would have when the other way.  Had the Steelers pulled off the victory I was ready to anoint Bruce Arians as a master baiter.  Unfortunately, they lost and for two reasons not related to Arians' master baiter status.

Reason #1:  Penalties

Eleven penalties for eighty eight yards may not sound like much, especially when compared to Baltimore's seven for fifty two, but the timing and the nature of the penalties is what killed Pittsburgh.  The defense committed several penalties that allowed the Ravens to continue drives.  The most painful penalty came in the final minute where a holding call on a punt allowed the Ravens to start on the 40 yard line with 55 seconds left and one timeout.  Now, at this point I was quasi-confident that the Steelers defense would hold...maybe with some last second heroics from Polamalu.  I was supremely disappointed when Bryan McFadden was embarrassed on a deep play into the endzone by T.J. Houshyamomma.

Reason #2:  Jeff Reed

Quadzilla had yet another multiple miss game.  Reed is quickly changing from my least favorite Steeler to my least favorite human being of all time.  I appreciate that last week and the week before he was clutch in the kicking game, but I'm not going to give this guy any slack.  He had more to say in the off season than a kicker should have to say in a career.  (Especially when you compare his contract status with LaMarr Woodley...and guess which one kept their mouth shut.)  In my obviously correct opinion, kickers should be like amateur golfers.  Hit your one shot and get the Hell off of the TV.  While I find Quadzilla's off the field antics and arrests as funny as the next person, I expect him to deliver on the field when it counts.  Jeff Reed pissed me off so much yesterday that he get's the Gaper Award again.
Get your shit together.  It can't be that hard to find someone else that can kick a ball.

On the bright side, the Steelers are 3-1, tied for the lead in the AFC North, and have their starting quarterback coming back this week.  3-1 without the Ladies Man...not too shabby.

Cleveland is 1-3.  They already have more wins than I figured they would all season.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Remember that time the Steelers Embarrassed the Bucs?

Oh, 3-0 feels pretty sweet...and how the Steelers have been doing it is even sweeter.  The defense is completely dominating the world, and that guy with the million dollar quaff is making every quarterback his bitch.  Personally, I'm on cloud nine talking all kinds of shit to all of the New England fans up here.  It's been three weeks of Christmas that I do not want to end.

Back to the game, it was complete domination.  Truly wasn't even close.  That's not to say I wasn't nervous after Batch's first interception, and after the Steelers punted, and after the Steelers tried that ridiculous double reverse.  However, the 46 yard pass to Mike Wallace for a touchdown alleviated all of my worries.  Watching Wallace report the news to everyone in that stadium really made my day.  That game, however, completely belonged to Charlie Batch.  Chuck was on the verge of being cut, and only an injury to Baby Face saved his job, and the Steelers' 3-0 record.  There is no way in Hell that Baby Face could have led this team to 3-0.  (I know Chuck didn't either, I just hate Baby Face.)  Thank goodness for Chuck because I am pretty sure I was next on the depth chart.  In fact, anyone who could throw a spiral was in the mix to be the Steelers' starting quarterback.  Sorry Bubby Brister, I tried to bring you back.

As a matter of fact, I was so deliriously happy at the end of the game I had a hard time deciding who was going to get the Gaper Award.  That was, until, I read a recap of the game on the ESPN.  This is what the Bucs' starting quarterback, Josh Freeman, had to say after the game,

"That was a good team, and I think we learned a lot from it."  

I agree Josh, you learned how to get your own ass handed to you.  Professor Omar Epps Tomlin will be holding sessions all season long if you are interested.  Freeman went on to say,

"They dominated us on the scoreboard, but at the same time I feel like our team's mentality walking away is that we could've played with those guys."    

Play what, exactly?  Certainly not football, because the result of that contest is obvious...38-13.  That's with the bullshit rushing touchdown at the end of the game.  Otherwise the score would have been 38-6.  Your team might be able to play a lot of things with the Steelers; checkers, pogs, double dutch...but one thing the Buccaneers cannot play with the Steelers is football.  Obvious fact, moron.

 Congratulations idiot.

The best play of the game for me wasn't Kiesel's return for a touchdown, which was AMAZING on it's own right.  I'm a big fan of the Diesel, and envy his mountain man beard.  No, my favorite play was when Polamalu  did his version of a LaVar Leap over top of the Buccaneers' offensive line on the goal line.  Would you like to compare the two?  Me too!

The Original LaVar Leap
Oh my God, what a play.

Now the Polamalu Plummet
You can't coach that.

What a coincidence that these plays are so similar, and they both have someone who played at Penn State involved.  

I wish Cleveland could of a bridge.

Remember that time the Steelers Embarrassed the Titans?

I must apologize to the one person who is a regular reader of this blog.  I was back in the homeland last week and they do not have computers there yet.  So, I'm making up for it now.  (And, no, my mother is not the one regular reader.  She has told me time and again, "I'm not going to read your bullshit."  Thanks Mom, bitch.)  This post will be a short recap of the Titans-Steelers game.

To the chagrin of PhatPat, the Titans did in fact lose to the Pittsburgh Steelers during their regular season match up.  In fact, they did not only lose, they lost in embarrassing fashion.  If I lived in Tennessee I would be ashamed to show my face in public, but I would also be upset that the Titans lost.

I would like to ask everyone a question right Vince Young the dumbest quarterback in the NFL?  Seriously, did this guy not score an eight on the NFL version of an IQ test?  The average score for a quarterback is something on the lines of 25, and a good quarterback will score above 35.  Vince Young scored an eight.  And have you ever heard this moron talk?  No?  Here you go:

Just don't tell is mama that I'm making fun of him.  However, tell his mama that I'm naming him the Gaping Vagina for week two.  VY, as PhatPat so lovingly called him, was easily the most embarrassed Titan on the field that day, and that's really saying something.   Two interceptions, two fumbles, and only three quarters of playing time.  Impressive, idiot.

Here's our special boy

As a matter of fact, Vince Young is probably dumb enough to think that this is a real I'm sure he reads my site daily.

VY is a moron, but would be a genius in Cleveland.