Look, James. May I call you James without you flipping shit and ripping my head off?
You sure as Hell may not. In fact, consider yourself lucky I don't beat you down like I did that Browns fan a couple of years ago. You can call me Captain Ass Rape. Because that's what you've been doing to me for the past couple of years, and if you don't fix it that's what I'm going to do to you.
I'm not quite sure that I like the sound of that. Anyway, Captain, we need to talk about your tackling and your aggressiveness today. To put this simply, there is no room for aggressive tacklers and, in general, meanies in my NFL. I'm trying to market the game to Europeans, so that means less hitting and eventually I'm going to enact a rule where nobody can touch the ball with their hands. Additionally, before tackling an offensive player you must first establish that they are both ready to be tackled and also emotionally capable to withstand said tackle.