Thursday, July 15, 2010

Some All Important Thoughts on the Draft

Before I thrown down knowledge like Andy Samberg throws all shit down:


watch this ten minute highlight reel of almost all of the Steelers 2010 draft picks.


First of all, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony is never a bad choice for any occasion which requires music...parties, roller rinks, weddings, funerals...perfect choice sir.

Here are some thoughts about the picks. I'm a complete Pouncey homer. I'll admit it. Can you really blame me for being excited? Who were the other two centers to get drafted in the first round by the Steelers? A couple of shmoes named Webster and Dawson...and we all know how badly they sucked. I'm hoping Pouncey can improve the first round center image in Pittsburgh. I'm pumped to have him in town even though he made out with his brother after being drafted:


(That close of a family should commute from somewhere in Ohio.)

Second round pick Worilds should be very good. If you watched his clips he didn't get to the quarterback very often, but what should be taken away from the video is that he was commonly commanding double teams and still almost got to the QB. He did this through a combination of speed and power that is akin to...say...Woodley? I'm not going to get ahead of myself with this guy, just saying he is showing some excellent potential.

Worilds gets overshadowed, however, by Stephenson Sylvester. (This guy should get his full name on the back of his jersey.) Skip to seven minutes in and watch this guy. He's fast. He hits. He commands attention at the line. I believe he's going to make an impact this year. I've been wrong before, I think, but this linebacker out of Utah is going to be good. He looks like the most promising LB drafted, which also includes fourth round pick Taddeus Gibson from Ohio State.

Gibson shows up around five minutes into the video. He looks big and fast. He's also "The Real Deal", just look at his arm.

Third round pick Emmanuel Sanders looks like a next year's version of Mike Wallace. He's small, quick, and can get down the field. The problem here is I don't expect him to make the same impact that Wallace made last year from the slot. First, Holmes is gone, and his presence really took a lot of heat off of Wallace. Second, the Steelers have a lot of veteran experience in the receiving corps, so it might make it difficult for Sanders to break into the lineup. Return man is always a possibility for young receivers, but Stefan Logan is still around. I like Sanders though, and he'll be a real asset in two to three years.

Fifth round pick Chris Scott from Tennessee is a solid "offensive" tackle, but traditionally lineman don't bust into the starting lineup in Pittsburgh. (Watch Pouncey change that.) Scott looks solid, and will take a couple of years to develop.

The other fifth round pick not covered yet is CB Crezdon Butler. I can't tell much from his highlights in the video, mainly because it was the same one from three to four different angles. The Steelers needed help at CB, got McFadden back, and added Butler to the mix. He'll work out because Townshend can't stick around forever.

There wasn't much on Antonio Brown or Doug Worthington, and I don't believe they are going to make the team. Worthington especially considering the fact that, while he was drafted as a DE, most likely they'll try to convert him to linebacker considering his size. If that's the case, well, the Steelers already drafted three other ones this year alone.

Finally, that leaves Jonathan Dwyer, running back from Georgia Tech. Here is a special highlight all his own. Forgive the terrible music.


Watch his plays around two minutes against Duke. OK, it is DUKE, but seriously, he just dragged the entire defense and half of Duke's coaching staff for ten yards. This guy's got power, speed, and apparently A.D.D. He tested for amphetamines right before the draft, and his stock plummeted. He was considered a top 3 back, but fell to the Steelers in the sixth round at pick 188. His loss, my gain. I don't feel bad...I was probably paying more attention to the draft than he was. The Steelers see him as the short yardage back that Frank "The Disappointment, er, Tank" couldn't be. He'll definitely make the team, let's just hope he doesn't get stuck at fullback like every other freaking RB they've drafted with the exception of Mendenhall.

There's my two cents. I'm glad all you people now know at least that much about football.




Forbes.com has a hard-on for Pittsburgh


Forbes magazine has a deeply entrenched love affair with the city of Pittsburgh. Forbes has Pittsburgh listed as:

#1 most affordable place to buy a home in America
#1 most livable city in America
#7 best city in America to raise a family
#12 best hospital in America - UPMC
#1 best place to get drunk and go into a punch-dancing rage

(One of these is made up.)

Coincidentally Forbes also has a listing for Cleveland:

#2 shittiest place in the universe (They can't be #1 in anything!! It must suck to live in the #2 armpit of the universe.)

Can't say as I'd disagree.



Wednesday, July 14, 2010

2010...The Reunion Tour


Tomlin gets a three year contract extension...I can't argue with that. Some people are hating the move but those are also probably the same people who think Rick Astley is the greatest gift to music (clearly it's Prince...dumbasses). Tomlin has won a Superbowl, never had a losing season, his wife is a model, and most importantly I don't think anyone can throw crazy eyes during press conferences like he can.


I trust the Rooney family here. I think all you need to do is point to their track record for never firing anybody and you could consider the head coaching position for the Steelers the NFL equivalent of a government job...good for life. But seriously, since the Steelers hired Tomlin, only three coaches have more wins, and only one has more wins and more playoff appearances.

Bill Bellichick : 37-11 : CHEATER
Wade Phillips : 33-15 : CHOKE ARTIST
Norv Turner : 32-16 : SEE DIRECTLY ABOVE
Mike Tomlin : 31-17 : ONLY DECENT COACH ON THIS LIST

(However, if you want Norv Turner leading your team in the playoffs you must hate the Superbowl.) Tomlin is an elite coach, no doubt about it.

I am getting pretty excited for the upcoming season which I have completely originally dubbed "The Reunion Tour". I know all of my Asian friends are excited as well. What I'm really happy about is that now my Foot, Randle-El, and McFadden jerseys are worth something again, and I know I'm not the only one. Let's just hope the addition of these returning rockstars shores up a special teams unit that sucked more dick than Tom Brady last season. (The over/under stands at 232 chodes, by the way.)

What else? Oh yeah, there was a draft...AND THE STEELERS FINALLY DRAFTED A LINEMAN WORTH A DAMN!!!! Over the next couple of days I'll do a small piece on each draft pick and tell you exactly how they will fare this season since I know everything about football. I'm just really excited to see Pouncey in there...nothing tastes worse in my mouth than a safety commited by some douchebag who's holding in the endzone. I won't say any names, but he looks a lot like this:

That's all for now. I'll delve into football greatness at a later time.

Cleveland Sucks...and thanks LeBron.

StillersBlog Average size in America...HUGE in Asia

You see all of those Asian comments after every post? Well my friends...StillersBlog went INTERNATIONAL! That's clearly not spam of any type...Asians love my literary prowess.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Alright Already!

In the past week all of the two people who read this site have asked me if I am a "quitting little piece of shit." If I am a "bitch who only writes when shit goes well" and if I am "a humongous rodent sodomizing dick sack".

Seriously, I can't make that up.

Well, it's time to start up StillersBlog again after an enjoyable offseason that saw Ben Roethlisberger try to top the womanizing efforts of Wilt Chamberlain. (Unfortunately for Ben, Wilt was hung like a horse, and none of Ben's escapades were consensual.)

So, with that being said, come Saturday I will try to give the site a face lift, but let's be serious, how does one revamp perfection? Stay tuned.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Easily one of the ugliest wins in history

Wow. That really sums up how I feel about the outcome of the Steelers-Ravens game last week. Steelers looked like their Terrible Selves (sorry Myron...not a compliment) but the big surprise was that the Ravens apparently decided to mail it in. At least, for once, Max Starks was not the most penalized person on the field.

It really pisses me off that Ray Rice ran for over 100 yards breaking the Steelers streak of not allowing a 100 yard runner. I'm not really one to get into stats, but I always liked that one. I also used to relish the winning streak against Cleveland. Ohio still blows ass.

Ziggy Hood looked great in action last week. He finally gets his first sack of his career, and surprisingly, his first interception. However, he definitely needs to work on his run stopping ability as he gets blown off of the line too often. I miss Aaron Smith.

I'm giving the Gaper to Max Starks. I liked Starks during his rookie season. However, his skills have improved marginally since then. The Steelers are paying him left tackle money when they should invest a first round pick into the position. He almost killed an entire drive on his own two weeks ago while giving up close to two thousand sacks against the Packers ROOKIE defensive end. His play last week was truly Offensive. He now deserves the moniker 'Offensive Lineman'. Hell, Ramon Foster is outplaying him right now.

Congratulations Max, I hate you.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Here we go playoffs, here we go!

Alright. I don't want to jinx this or anything, but the Steelers have a 100% chance of making the playoffs this season. They are sitting at 7-7 with two games left in the season. Obviously they need to win out, so they beat Baltimore today. Denver plays the Eagles, which I believe they will lose. That gives the two wildcard spots to both Baltimore and Pittsburgh because the Steelers have the tiebreaker over the Broncos.

Houston (7-7) plays Miami (7-7) today, so one of those teams will be out of the race by the end of the day. If Miami wins they go to 8-7, and play the Steelers next week. So even if the Dolphins win, they still don't make the playoffs with a loss to the Steelers next week. If the Texans win they still don't have as good of a conference record as the Steelers, and they play the Patriots next week. Sorry Houston, you're out.

The Jets (7-7) play the Colts and the Bengals back to back these next two weeks. Their offense is attrocious, and there is no way they win both games. They are out.

The team with the best shot at ruining the Steelers' playoff hopes is again the Jacksonville Jaguars. They play the Patriots this week, and the CribbsBottomfeeders next week. With a better conference record they are already ahead of the Steelers, and if they win today could be a lock regardless of a Steelers win or loss.

This is obviously the only week where I'll ever root for the Patriots.

Back at it

It has been a hell of a long time people. I told myself that when I started this thing that I would not put anything on here if I had absolutely nothing decent to say. Believe it or not, but back to back losses to the Raiders and the Browns will do that to you. On a side note, I have officially changed the name of the Browns to the Cleveland Cribbs. (Let's be honest...he's all they have.) I've even worked out a new logo for them...

Here's a good question...if he is so fast, then why can't he run his way out of Cleveland? That's what he's been trying to do this whole time...he just happened to also be holding a ball.

There isn't much to say for the past weeks, last week excluded. The loss to the Raiders was ridiculous, agravating, and demoralizing. The loss to the Browns was something out of a fiction book. I wouldn't even drink after the game, I just went into some kind of catatonic state. I remained there until Santonio, I mean Iron Mike Wallace, made that incredible touchdown catch at the end of the Green Bay game.


Because my doctor said to stop agonizing over the past six weeks, I'll be quick with the Gaper awards. It's pretty simple, the entire team will receive them for their amazing performances agianst both the Raiders and the CribbsBottomfeeders. Congratulations everybody...you deserve it.





Congratulations to all of you guys for sucking major ass the past five weeks.


Alright, the five game streak of losses ended last week for anyone of you that did not already know. Thank you Iron Mike Wallace for not sucking as bad as Limas Sweed. Every second of that game I watched with curbed enthusiasm. Let's face it...the Steelers have lost seven games playing the way they did last week with the obvious exception of Wallace and Roethlisberger. 504 yards passing? Ridiculous. Green Bay's number one ranked defense? Clearly over-rated. There is only one possible person to give the McNulty would have to be my main man Limas Sweed. What a humongous vagina he is. Sweed has now been put on the non-injury reserve list ending his spectacular sophomore season. What a blow this is to the vaunted Steelers passing game. I'm officially saying that with Sweed go any chance the Steelers have on winning the Superbowl. Sorry guys, but it was a nice run.




Notice my friend Limas here in a Texas jersey. He's in a Longhorn jersey in the picture because I'm pretty sure he's never been on the field in the NFL and not screwed up somehow.
End rant.

































Sunday, December 6, 2009

StillerJack PISSED

Alright...three loses in a row. I've never seen this before in my young life. (Well, with the Steelers. I see it all the time in Cleveland.)

Here are my picks for today:

Philadelphia NJ vs Atlanta
The Falcons without Matt Ryan? I'll take the pride of New Jersey, Philadelphia.

Tampa Bay vs Carolina
Hmmm...I'll take Carolina. Can't wait until Cowher is there next season.

St. Louis vs Cincinnati
No contest. Bengals.

Indianapolis vs Tennessee
Tons of people are talking upset here. Tons of people are stupid. Colts.

Denver vs Kansas City
We need Denver to lose to get an early wildcard spot, but they win today.

New England vs Miami
Of course I would LOVE the upset, but Miami will stumble. Patriots.

New Orleans vs Washington
Non-competitive matchup here. Saints roll.

Houston vs Jacksonville
Jacksonville loses the game and their early wildcard spot. Thanks Houston!

San Diego vs Cleveland
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Chargers.

Dallas vs New York Giants
Giants are slumping BIG TIME. They are fresh off of a bye week, but Dallas gets the job done.

Seattle vs San Fransisco
Wow, outside of the Pacific coast, who the hell cares? No I, said the toddler. 49ers.

Minnesota vs Arizona
This should be a pretty good game. If Warner plays...maybe. However, I'll stick with the Vikings to win.

Green Bay vs Baltimore
We need Green Bay to win this game to distance the lead over the Ravens. Green Bay.

Pittsburgh vs Oakland
If Pittsburgh doesn't win I'm slapping my mom...hard. I'll slap the shump right off of her face. Steelers.

Recap from last week

Sorry everyone...I was away for Thanksgiving and missed my weekly post here. I wish I would have missed those games. Anyway...still have to talk about it.

Actually, I will not talk about the Chiefs game. It just goes to show how the Steelers like to play down to any level. Bullshit. The entire Steelers team receives the Gaper award for being pussy pieces of shit. (What was that about losing creating animosity? Oh well.)




Thanks for the letdown boys.

Now on to the Ravens game...

Dennis Dixon played so much better than I thought he would. Sure, he threw an interception in overtime...but the defense lost that game. It shouldn't have gone to overtime. Did anyone else notice a SLOW Ray Lewis? What is he, like 98 years old? Some people don't know when to retire, or die. Either one would be a solid decision for Ray Ray.

I'm not sure what the difference is between last years defense and this years. Does Troy Polamalu really mean that much to the team? I guess so. The Steelers have not lost big all season, and you have to think that if Polamalu was in there he MAY have tipped the balance. That speaks well for their playoff chances, which I say they will be there. Steelers WILL get a wildcard.

The Gaper award for the Ravens game goes to Hines Ward. He needs to learn to keep his fucking mouth shut. Now the Steelers are in the news, but it's only because of the bullshit he was spouting about Ben not playing last week. Seriously, you don't know better by now Hines? Are you not a team captain?
Way to be a dick.

NOW, I desperately want to get positive here again. Let's look at the greatest quote I've ever heard in my entire life.

Mike Tomlin: "We will not go gently; we will unleash hell here in December, because we have to. We won't go in a shell; we will go in attack mode because that is what is required,"

Holy shit. Hearing that come from the Clark Kent of NFL coaches...now I want to punch someone in the face. Luckily I live in Boston and there are a plethora of queens who need a good bitchslap. If I were the Raiders I'd be shitting my pants right now. Good news for Raiders owner Al Davis...he just got a diaper change.

I also found this because apparently the Raiders used to not suck dick. Well, they were a good football team, but they still sucked a chode off.



What's with that tool-shed at the end of the video? Yeah, he likes to show Steelers fans his one ring, and we like to bitchslap his chode devouring face with six. (You actually have to bitchslap him twice because there are too many rings for one hand.)

Ah, now I feel better. Watch Bruce Gradkowski get embarrassed today. Oh, and my older brother texts me last night to inform me that he has tickets to today's game. So, expect some amazing pics up here later this week.

There are things worse than a three game losing streak.
Like being an Ohio football fan.